So Grateful

Hello World!

I know its been a while since I lasted posted. Part of it is because I'm out and about a lot and then I also don't really know what to say.But over the last few weeks I've had a roller coaster time.

I made my first Cystic Fibrosis speech or talk. My area has an annual CF Family and Friends night, with dinner and speakers, and we go over what was discuss at the big CF Conference and many of the vendors that make CF products come out to show case new things and give samples (Free Enzymes!!). This year I was asked to share my "story" about transplant. I was super nervous, I don't speak in front of people. But I sucked it up and it turned out really well. I was much better at the answering of questions after then the actual speech/talk. I would even consider doing it again.

I've been on the job hunt. As many people know thats not easy these days. I also have the added fact that my resume says I haven't worked since 2008. Which is true but due to my CF. And you have to becareful what you reveal on applications, yada-yada-yada. It just sucks.

I did however land an "as-needed" job as a Pet Sitter. So thats a step in the right direction. Still looking for something with longevity and I don't know, benefits!, haha. But I believe it will come. And if not I'll live off my parents forever, Hi Mom and Dad :).

A giant bummer hit me yesterday. I have always wanted children. I've known since I was 15 years old kids were in my future. I was too sick pretransplant to EVER care for a child, could barely care for myself. So a big motivator throughout my waiting and recovery was the idea I would be able to have children. Some CF woman can't carry babies because they are just small and sick. It can be done, but its risky. So already knew I wouldn't carry a child myself, but I wanted to harvest my eggs and use a surrogate. I talked to my transplant team about it and it was decided the shots you have to take to boost your ovaries are too risky for me. They don't mix well with some of my mandatory medications. There are also some serious side effects that could occur, from the simple nausea to liver, kidney, or respiratory failure. So thats awesome, get new lungs then get respiratory failure.

All the wind in my sail was taken away. Having a baby was my driving force to get better and stay better! And I know there are other options. But having that option taken from me? Its heartbreaking. Of course I wanted a little mini-me, a little one that shared my DNA. I think most Moms and Dads want that. While I feel deflated at the moment, it isn't going to stop me from having that family I want. I can't dwell on things I can't change. I just need to switch from Plan A to Plan B... and I go to Plan C or D if I have too. But I will make it work. My life can't be complete without it, so its not an option to "fail."

Ontop of everything, tomorrow, November 22nd is not only Thanksgiving BUUUTT my 4 month Transplant Anniversary!! What a great day for it to fall on. I'm so thankful for my family and friends. But I'm so, so. so grateful to my donor. I can't put into words just how thankful I am to my donor. I don't know anything about them (yet), but I know they made the most powerful decision they could. They decided to be an organ donor. They had the kindness in their heart to pass on the gift of life once they were gone. They will ALWAYS be apart of me. Not just physically but in my heart. Their gift to me has made me a better person. I take them with me everyday, with every breathe I take or task I accomplish that wasn't possible before I owe to them. They saved my life. They gave me a second chance to experience the world. Because of that I feel its my duty to live life to the fullest. To laugh 10x more then cry. To try and try and try and never let something stop me because its hard. My donor and their amazing family that respected their wishes are forever part of my family now. Even if I never get to meet or speak to them in person, they have a very safe place in my heart.

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” -AS

Breathe Easy