Overdue - Its longs!

Hello World!

Well, its been 5 months since I decided to say anything on here. Most already know why, but for those that don't and only follow my blog, I apologize.

On June 13th my house burned down. The whole thing. I grew up in that house, all 27 years of my life were spent there. The worst part, I lost 3 of my dogs in the fire. My parents, myself, and my boyfriend were home at the time. We woke up to windows exploding from the heat pressure. Less than 2 minutes the entire attic was engulfed in flames. We just barely made it out before the ceiling started to fall. The firefighters found our oldest dog, Shotti, curled up in a sleeping position - she never even woke up. They also found Lucy and Tucker huddled together under my parents bed - I find small comfort in the fact that they were atleast together. They all passed from smoke insulation, thankfully none were burned. Our 2 small dogs are still with us. Max followed my mother right out the house. Ruby got scared and hid under my bed in the basement and firefighters found her for us. My heart hurts for the lose of our home and everything we ever had. They say "its just material things" but that was 30 years of our family's life. That's a hard loss, material things or not. Everyday my heart still hurts for the dogs. I carry Tucker's collar with me everyday. I miss him the most.

I got Tucker as a 9 week old pup. He had been there for me through some of the toughest situations I've had to deal with. He kept depression away, kept me active, made me laugh, gave me something to live for when I felt like there really wasn't much left for me in this world. I know he's just a dog, but he gave me purpose again. I still fight off guilt on a weekly basis that I left him behind in the house. I replay many different scenarios in my head but everything is 20/20 hindsight.

On June 29th My Dad lost his fight against cancer. He fought long and hard for 4 years. While he was taken way too soon, he lasted 3 1/2 years longer than the Doctors thought he would at diagnosis. I'm still not ready to share the whole story about him. I miss him everyday. I will say this, we had that Dad - Peanut connection until the end. When I was little we watched that movie HOOK. There is a part in the movie that one of the lost boys smushes adult Peter's face all around and they yells There you are Peter. I would do that to my dad. Maybe 2 days before he passed, his last day of really being aware of anything, we were sitting and just talking and I looked at him and said There you are Peter. He just laughed and said I was weird. He's my Dad. He got me. I miss that.

Through all this junk I have seen a kindness and generosity in people I've never seen before. Its amazing who comes out of the woodwork to lend a helping hand in a time of tragedy. I am forever grateful to those people. Whether you helped us move into the rental, donated items, or simply brought us coffee the morning of the fire. You will not be forgotten. I will forever be indebted to you. Paying it forward in anyway possible.

As of right now, My mother, myself, boyfriend and younger brother are living in a rental house. Our old house should be rebuilt by February/March. We are making do with where we live now. Still doesn't feel like home to me. Once we move back into our old home, I think I'll get another pup. I could never replace Tucker but I feel a void in my life without a dog.

On a final, unrelated note: If you pray please send one up for my friend Leah. She has Cystic Fibrosis, has had a double lung transplant, face chronic rejection 2 years ago. And now she sits in a hospital bed. She just had a Trach put in and a new feeding tube placed. Anything positive thoughts her way would be appreciated.

Breathe Easy