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Monday, November 29, 2010

The Road of Life

Hello World!

Wow I think we are finally done with the Tanksgiving leftovers. Phew, I was getting sick of Turkey. So my Thanksgiving was good. Had the extended family over. Always entertaining. There is never a dull moment when the whole family, both sides, get together. I was glad to see them but more happy when they left! HA. I'll see them ALL again in a month for Christmas. Can't wait, haha.

Speaking of family... Sometimes I wish dogs could talk. My puppy dog has been acting funny for 2 days. Funny like out of the norm. He isn't sick or atleast visiably sick. He is just real needy and doesn't want to leave my side. Don't get me wrong I lovvvee that he wants to be with me all the time, but its not normal for him. So I wish he could just tell me what was up. It would be so much easier. Hm, hope he's out of this funk soon.

Well still no Transplant call. I think it is more frustrating waiting then it will be to actually go through it. For the first month I was on the list I had sever anxiety. Anxiety about waiting, about getting the call, about missing the call, about not making it through the surgery, just tons of stuff. I have sinced relaxed. Now I'm more antsy then anxious. I know life is going to be better post transplant, I'm ready for it now!

Waiting has put my life on hold it seems like. I finshed college so I'm done with school. I'm deemed medically disabled so I can't get a job. Occupying myself with things to do is so hard. Without having a job saving money is not easy, I still have bills. So I don't have "extra" money to spend on going out. I depend on other people to take me out. I hate that. I feel like such a useless person sometimes. Sometimes I feel like everyone around me is going 65 on the highway of life and I'm in the breakdown lane with a flat tire. It sucks.

Well, something I do do to keep me a little busy is go to Pulmonary Rehab. Every Tuesday and Thursday. So as tomorrow is a Tuesday, I need some sleep.

Breathe Easy

Friday, November 26, 2010


Hello World!!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!!

Well lots to be thankful for this year!
- My family, obv! We definetly have our battles but I would be lost without them
-My baby, Tucker James. He is THE best puppy dog. Has helped me in soooo many ways
- Cell Phones! It is my lifeline to the transplant team. O and Transplant team, feel free to call sometime soon :)
-Rootbeer and Bagel Bites. Without those I would starve every night!
-Ellen DeGeneres andJimmy Fallon. They provide constant laughter in my life. Laughing is so good and so needed!
-Socks. Man would my feet be cold if I didn't have socks.

Lots of little things in life to be thankful for. Its the little things that make life worth living. I got to see some friends from out-of-state. That was awesome. It has been a few months since the last time I saw them. Well worth the wait. We ended up going out to a few bars and did a little Pre-Thanksgiving celebrating. Good Times!

Well I hope everyone had an awesome Thanksgiving! Breath Easy.

Monday, November 22, 2010


Hello World!

Well we are only days away from Thanksgiving. This is definetly one of my favorite holidays. It is just all about family and friends and being thankful. "Thank You" doesn't get said enough in my family. While we all love each other and we are a pretty close family those words are rarely uttered. This holiday gives us a chance to remember that we are very lucky and thankful to have each other.

So my parents are off for the evening. They are celebrating their 30th anniversary of their first date. Kind of cute? Kind of cheesey? haha! Well while they are away I get the honor of dog sitting. So instead of my one little baby I'm watching 3! I love it. Dogs are so much fun. Besides they are both little dogs so they make great snuggle partners in bed. So cute!

Hmm, nothing really exciting going on with me. Everyday is pretty much the same. There is some good in that... no surprises. Although it can be boring. O well, I'll just keep waiting for my lungs! 6 months and 2 days of waiting.... hopefully not many more.

Breath Easy

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Funny Stuff!

Hello World!

Well its been a weird few days. I have felt good (mentally) a little congested (physically) but haven't slept. So who knows whats going on inside me. Its a war in there, I'm hoping the good guys win!

I was browsing other blogs today. I love reading fellow CFer's stories. A lot of them help me in just realizing that other people are going through the same stuff. And I think, hey if they can do it.... I can do it. I also enjoy reading blogs about dogs and pets in general. I think a pet is a wonderful thing to have! I have 5 dogs. Its so wonderful to come home to all that love. And their always ready for anything. Its great.

Anywho, I came across this blog, 
Dogs don't understand basic concepts. OMG! It is soooo good and FUNNY! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. It was exactly what I needed. The story and pictures that went with it, priceless. The author should make a book. I would buy it in a second! haha. O man, so awesome.
Well, nothing else happend really. Kind of a boring week. Breathe Easy!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Can't Sleep

Hello World!

Well its 3am and I can't sleep. Whats new. Going to the doctors tomorrow for a check-up I'll have to wait and see what they say. Well the week has been interesting...

I had an EPIC battle with my mother last weekend. We didn't speak all week to each other. Today was the first day we actually had a conversation. Nothing was said about last weekend. We just started fresh. Who knows if we will ever talk about that weekend but right now it is still a sore spot. Our relationship has been rocky for the past year. Some days it is great! But other day we just disagree and scream at each other. It is a work in progress, and everyday it really does get a little better.

I also started Pulmonary Rehab again. I do hate going but I know it is good for me. I did find out that my favorite Physical Therapist is leaving, which was a huge bummer. The class has a lot of senoirs in it, I'm the youngest one. So it was nice of this Therapist to talk with me and joke around and exercise along with me. I'll miss her but wish her well in the future.

Overall my week wasn't too exciting. Went out a couple of nights with some friends which was nice. I haven't gone out in a while. I really needed that. I felt much better. Hopefully I'll start incorporating it into my schedule all the time. I'm starting to go a little stir crazy being stuck in the house. I have no job because I'm "medically disabled" and I finished school in May '09 so having a social life has taken a small dive.

I've been going through a rough patch, mentally, for about a year now. In September of '09 I was hospitalized and almost lost my life. Ever since then my life has been full of anxiety and worry with hints of depression. I'm worried about my health, my family is too and so are the doctors. Because of all that worry I've been living under a microscope in fear that I will fall ill again. It has just been to much stress. I had a small break down and go some great, to the point advice from a friend who usually has little to say. But they when they do offer some advice I take it very seriously. They just sais flat out "You are not ok and not all there. You need to get your shit together." So thats what I have decided to do. I'm getting my shit together.

I detoxed my whole body from all my medications. Some people will think thats dumb because of the CF but I don't care. I have been on so many different anti-dpression meds and anxiety meds that I was having a hard time finding myself. So I gave everything up. I will say, I feel so much better. Tomorrow I will start a fresh, new routine. A better, healthier rountine. I'm going to try and live my life like I used too. I'm not going to worry about so much stuff, its not healthy. I'm ready to be my carefree, easy going self again!

Breathe Easy

Saturday, November 6, 2010


Hello World!

Have you ever had a hero? Someone you looked up too and could do no wrong. Well I think I found mine. Although I would call them more of an inspiration than Hero. I want my life to turn out the way hers did. She has CF. She has been through a double lung transplant. She is married. She has adopted 2 incredible children. I want her life! Or actually, I hope my life turns out that good. I have never met this woman but have spoken to her many times.

We first contacted eachother through e-mail. It then progressed to Facebook. She lives to far away to visit but I'm hoping at some point I'll be able to meet her. She has helped through my CF struggles. She is also a great source to talk about tranplant stuff with. She is always supportive without be pushy. I couldn't imagine going through this tranplant experience without her. She has shown what life could be like post transplant. I could never put into words enough Thank Yous for her.

I just hope to one day be able to do for someone what she has done for me. Breathe Easy

Thursday, November 4, 2010

They replaced it!!

Hello World,

Well today was a lazy Wednesday. I didn't really get motivated to do anything until about 3pm. Ha! What a day. I did mange to put togther 2 wooden storage cabinets I bought. I thought for sure I would end up asking my Dad to help me. BUT I manged to do all by myself, I guess I'm craftier than I thought. I just have 1 left to build. It is a little bigger so I'll save that for another day.

Tomorrow will be a busy day.... well a little busy. I have to go to the bank, always fun. Although I will say, My brothers puppy ate or rather shredded $25. A $20 and a $5. The 20 was savable. The 5.... not so much. It was in about 8 pieces and part of it was actually missing. Well I gathered all the pieces and brought it to the bank. They replaced it!!! It was great, I didn't think they would. Must of been my lucky day! ANYWAYS I have to go to the bank again tomorrow. I'm also going to swing by my Brother's pizza place (free lunch!) and visit him. Then I'm off to visit a friend I haven't seen in a while.

It'll be nice to get out of the house and just hangout with a friend. Next week I start back at Pulmonary Rehab. Now I hate Pulmonary Rehab but it does work! I'm not a fan of any kind of formal exercise. I'd rather just stay active. But I'm definetly lazy in the colder months. I don't like going out in the cold so I tend to stay in doors and veg out. Not good for CF people! Sitting around just lets that mucus collect and stew infection. I'm hoping to make it through the rest of the year without a hospital visit but ya never really know.

Well my stomachs growling, off to make some grub! Breathe Easy

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Just Another Day

Hello World!

So how was everyone's Halloween? Mine was pretty boring. Didn't do anything myself. My neighborhood doesn't have many children left in it so my house only got a few trick-or-treaters. I will say I accidentlly scared a little one. He had to be 4 or 5 maybe. We have this hanging skelton in a cage and when you walk by him, he moans and shakes and screams "let me out!" Haha. It terrified the little one, oops! Haha but thats what Halloweens about so I guess it is ok! I did enjoy all the left over candy in our bowl! Yumm!

In other news, I went to my monthly CF clinic today. It went..ok...I guess. My PFTS are still low, in the 30s. But that is good for me. I have been as low as 22% before. Yikes! Lost a couple pounds... thats never good!! So I need to eat up, extra calories! Overall a decent appointment. I have to go back in 2 weeks to see the Diabetes doctor. FUN! Haha. I got a routine eye exam today. My first one. I'm not really a fan of drops and stuff in my eyes. Yuck! But that went well, Perfect Vision!!

The only thing that bothered me today, and has bothered me in the past, is how many times I'm asked "Are you sure you still want to do transplant?" YESSS!! YES YES YES!! I would not have put myself through all this torture if I didn't want a transplant! It really bugs me that they think I'm "giving up" or "not trying" just because maybe I'm having an off day. Sorry I can't shit rainbows and be all smiles EVERYDAY! This is a stressfull situation. I shouldn't have to be "happy" everyday. Waiting is stressfull, being under constant scrutiny is stressfull, having CF in general is STRESSFULL!!! Sometimes I just want to say "get off my back" but I don't. I bite my tongue. Its not really nice to yell at your doctor. And don't get me wrong my doctor is GREAT! I wouldn't want any other. But sometimes he gets on my nerves! O well, I guess it just goes with the territory.

One day I'll have my new lungs and look back on this and read it and laugh. Can't wait for that day!!

Breathe Easy