Its been a while. Its been really crazy busy. Life has been throwing lots of curve balls my way, I've even been hit by a couple.
My Dad is not doing well. At all. I hate to admit it, but this is the end. We will all be lucky if he is still around in the Fall. For those that don't know, My Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer in July 2009. Since then he has defied the odd and is still here. The cancer has spread of the years and in the last few months he is declining at a rapid pace. The Cancer spread to his liver, lymph nodes, spine, and other parts of his bones. In the last week or so he became 90% wheel chair bound. He is only allowed to walk a couple feet at a time. He is in so much he barely moves, he's doped up on pain meds 24/7. We are still trying every possible outlet to give him more time.
Life has been really stressful. My Dad's young, only 57. He's never going to get to walk his only daughter down the aisle. He's never going to get to meet his grandchildren. Its just not fair. And I know life's not fair but come on!
Life likes to play cruel games. Giving me new lungs and a second chance at having a 'normal' life, then goes and takes my Dad so we can't enjoy it together. What's that about?? Does life not want me to every be truly happy? I just don't get it. Hasn't our family been through enough? We need a break. We deserve a break.
I hate complaining about stuff because thats not how I was raised. But I've kept too much in and I boil over at the most random times. And I'm never mad or angry at anyone else, mostly my self and the situation. Can't help it. I'm a lot like my mother, we want to fix the things wrong. And the fact that we can't fix my Dad, is so stressful.
It breaks my heart everyday seeing him get worse and worse.