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Friday, October 28, 2011

Love You Through It

Hello World!

Some of you already know but on top of all my medical crap going on, My dad is also fighting Cancer. He has stage 4 Colorectal Cancer and it has spread to his liver and I think there was a small tumor found in his lungs as well. He has been going to Chemotherapy EVERY week since July, 2009. His Cancer cannot be cured. It is apparently a rare form. I don't know a lot about it, just that it sucks. He has been doing pretty well with his Chemo and remains in good spirits most days. I love him. We have the same sense of humor. I know October is Breast Cancer Awareness but other Cancers are just as important. I heard this song the other day - Martina McBride: I'm Going to Love You Through It - Its mainly about Breast Cancer but still makes me think of my Dad. My Mom is the glue that holds the family together and My Dad is the man behind the woman cracking jokes! Together they are the best team, and best parents. Love them both

Breathe Easy

Sunday, October 16, 2011


Hello World!

Life has been a roller coaster these days. Most days I'm me and I feel like nothings change. But some days I just want to roll over and give up! I feel like every time I start to gain any ground with either my weight or lungs the other craps out.

I just went through a month or so of weight problems. Couldn't keep any weight on me. But my lungs were doing fine. They weren't getting better but they we staying stable. I manged to attend 2 weddings, both with minimal oxygen! About 3-4 days after the 2nd wedding CRASH! Lungs decided they didn't want to cooperate anymore. My weight however.... stable. Which is good.

I had the Kmart incident as previously blogged and things are just getting crummier and crummier. Walking just exhausts me. Its so tiring. I go to Pulmonary Rehab and it bums me out a little bit to see I'm not where I was 2 yrs or 1 yr ago. I need more oxygen, I walk slower on the treadmill, I can't go as far either. It just sucks. Stairs and inclines were already hard and now they are almost impossible. Everyone says exercise, exercise, exercise.... especially waiting for transplant. Well I'm trying but it is soooo hard. I really hate it.

I like the easy road and less complicated things. I've always been that way. So its kind of hard for me to get motivated to do the exercises. I know I need to but gosh, I'd like to breathe too!

In other, but related news, I'd like to gripe for a moment at the fact I've been waiting 17 months for transplant. 17! I read on Facebook today a young man listed Thursday and got the call today. 4 DAYS!!!! WHAT THE F!!!! I know my lungs aren't anymore important than his, and believe me I'm happy for him. But come on! I just want it to be my turn!!! The universe could atleast cut me some slack if it won't get me lungs anytime soon. Doesn't have to kick me while I'm already down.


I'm tiring of my life being on hold! I want to do things... real things. Not things to just pass the time while I wait. I want a baby, can't. I'd like to live on my own, can't. I'd like to go for a gosh darn hike, CAN'T! All my friends are doing stuff and moving forward.... I'm still sitting here.

AHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'm just frustrated. Mostly with myself. Wish I just felt... better. Until then I'll just keep waiting... what else can I do?

Breathe Easy

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Uppin' the Oxygen

Hello World!

Everytime I tell people I'm feeling better than I have in a while, BAM disaster strikes! I just had clinic Monday, it went well - Lungs are stable, weight is good. No problems. Tuesday - Uneventful, slept a lot. Wednesday I had a transplant check-up. Again Lungs good and weight good. Thursday BAM! Everything came to a crashing halt while I was out at a store!

I went out to do a little shopping. Grabbed a snack at Burger King and headed to Kmart. I was just looking to buy some plastic totes for my 'Gutting the Basement' project. Inside I found a pair of everyday boots. Yay! O and no totes. Anywho, as I was checking out and leaving my chest started to feel really tight and it was hard to breathe. I had my O2 on, 3L but still felt like I couldn't catch my breathe. Well now I start to panic a little because well that just me. I'm a panicer. I get to my car, which is parked fairly close thanks to my handicap pass (life saver!) and struggle a little to get the key in, finally open the door, frantically find my inhaler because I stupid didn't have in ON me, just WITH me. Then the most embarrassing part.... I peed myself. Right there in the parking lot. I just lost bladder control - apparently its common when your O2 drops, which is good to know. I climbed in my car, coughing and struggling and still peeing - hoping no one saw anything! Out loud told myself to relax and took some real deep breaths.

I took out my Oximeter and checked my levels, O2 was mid 80s and Heart rate was over 150. WOOOO! I immediately call my doctor and chat it up with them and find out what I need to do. Everything calmed down while I was on the phone. The plan was to up the oxygen and take it easy! If it happened again I was to call 911. Are you kidding, 911??? I scare easy and that shizz is scary. The very next call was of course to my Mom. My Mom is my 911.

So I sat in the parking lot for like 20 minutes and just collected myself then went home. SO my simple trip to Kmart ended up being quite the... adventure? Sheesh. Nothing can just be simple.

Breathe Easy

Monday, October 3, 2011

C and M's Wedding

Hello World!

My Best Friend got Married!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! She is such a grown up now! It was amazing. So much fun. So beautiful. Even though the weather wasn't ideal, it was awesome. She was such a beautiful bride. And her husband was so handsome. They make a beautiful couple. So happy for them. Right now they are on their honeymoon in Hawaii! I'm a little jealous. I want to go to Hawaii sometime. I wish them nothing but the best! Time to start makin' babies!!! Hahaha. Here are a few pictures....
The Ceremony.

Me and 2 of my besties.

 Their First Dance as Mr. and Mrs!!!
The beautiful couple!!!

Their car!!!! :)

The Bridal Party, I'm the tiny one in pink on the end!

Again Beautiful wedding. Bring on the babiesss!!

Breathe Easy