Hello World!
Life has been a little crazy lately.
Working on getting listed at a second hospital for Transplant. Hoping it will increase my chances of getting a fresh slightly used pair.
I typed out several posts... 3 to be exact..... but deleted them all.
I like sharing my thoughts and having people share them right back. But I'm just not ready yet to spill the beans on exactly what is going on inside my crazy head yet.
I do know one thing, I'm very thankful and grateful for my family and friends, and all my Internet friends. The level of support I get from all of you is incredible.
Now I just need to figure what is right for me. The choice is all mine. There is no right or wrong. But I'm at a fork in the road and there are 2 paths. They are different but neither could be a wrong choice. So know I just need to decide which direction I want to travel.
Whichever way I choose I will walk with my head up and take in everything around me.
Breathe Easy
Live Life then Give Life, Please be an Organ Donor.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
So Close!
Hello World!
I WAS SO CLOSE!!!
OMG, I was called last night, 11-11-11 at 8:30pm for my Lung Transplant!
I had a panic attack after I hung up with the Doctor and frantically gathered everything I thought I might need if this Transplant was really going to happen. I quickly realized I was no where near prepared as I thought I was, haha. My mind was racing! But my Mom and I hoped in the car and off to the hospital we went.
When I got to the hospital my mind was still a blur and the check-in person asked for my birthday, which I gave, it rolls right off the tongue because they ask SO OFTEN at the doctors. But then she asked how old I was.... drew a complete blank! Hahahhaa I had to turn to my Mom and ask! FACE PALM! Total blonde moment.
For those people not familiar with Transplant protocol, the Doctors always call 2 people in for the organs, just in case the first person isn't compatible. And I person could not be the right fit for lots of reasons. So they always call in a back up. I was back-up!!
I did all the pre-op testing just in case the first person didn't match up exactly. And began to wait. Around 12:30am the Doctor came in and said, not tonight. It was definitely a bummer. I was ready. But it was kind of what I expected. The ride definitely felt REALLY long. I felt like the school bully just popped my balloon.
So I was disappointed that 11-11-11 wasn't the day but this just means I am now number on the list!! Hopefully they get some more lungs in very soon. It would be great to get them before the end of the year. Then I could start 2012 completely new!!! :)
I'm still hopeful. Its coming. Soon.
Breathe Easy
I WAS SO CLOSE!!!
OMG, I was called last night, 11-11-11 at 8:30pm for my Lung Transplant!
I had a panic attack after I hung up with the Doctor and frantically gathered everything I thought I might need if this Transplant was really going to happen. I quickly realized I was no where near prepared as I thought I was, haha. My mind was racing! But my Mom and I hoped in the car and off to the hospital we went.
When I got to the hospital my mind was still a blur and the check-in person asked for my birthday, which I gave, it rolls right off the tongue because they ask SO OFTEN at the doctors. But then she asked how old I was.... drew a complete blank! Hahahhaa I had to turn to my Mom and ask! FACE PALM! Total blonde moment.
For those people not familiar with Transplant protocol, the Doctors always call 2 people in for the organs, just in case the first person isn't compatible. And I person could not be the right fit for lots of reasons. So they always call in a back up. I was back-up!!
I did all the pre-op testing just in case the first person didn't match up exactly. And began to wait. Around 12:30am the Doctor came in and said, not tonight. It was definitely a bummer. I was ready. But it was kind of what I expected. The ride definitely felt REALLY long. I felt like the school bully just popped my balloon.
So I was disappointed that 11-11-11 wasn't the day but this just means I am now number on the list!! Hopefully they get some more lungs in very soon. It would be great to get them before the end of the year. Then I could start 2012 completely new!!! :)
I'm still hopeful. Its coming. Soon.
Breathe Easy
Friday, November 4, 2011
Staying Healthy
Hello World!
I'm freee! I was in the hospital for 14 days!! BORING. But it was needed. I was struggling there for a minute. I feel much better, I really do. While I was in the hospital I missed Halloween again. This is the third Halloween in a row I've missed. 2009 I just came out of a coma, 2010 I was in the hospital and 2011, once again hospital. Thats annoying. I'm not super bummed about it because 1. I don't care that much about Halloween and 2. I would rather miss Halloween and be good for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is where its at... FOOD!!! Haha. Love Thanksgiving, probably my favorite holiday, other than my birthday of course. Its all about food and family. Awesome holiday. My brothers went out and celebrated Halloween though. They sent me pictures...
I'm freee! I was in the hospital for 14 days!! BORING. But it was needed. I was struggling there for a minute. I feel much better, I really do. While I was in the hospital I missed Halloween again. This is the third Halloween in a row I've missed. 2009 I just came out of a coma, 2010 I was in the hospital and 2011, once again hospital. Thats annoying. I'm not super bummed about it because 1. I don't care that much about Halloween and 2. I would rather miss Halloween and be good for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is where its at... FOOD!!! Haha. Love Thanksgiving, probably my favorite holiday, other than my birthday of course. Its all about food and family. Awesome holiday. My brothers went out and celebrated Halloween though. They sent me pictures...
My baby bro as Wilfred, and his lady friend.
My big bro (back middle) and his wife were Jersey Shore people
Me and my pumpkin buddy.
While I was in the hospital New Hampshire got a freak Nor'easter in October!! Dropped 2 feet of snow on people. My house lost power for 5 days. The power was still out when I got released from the hospital so I went and stayed with my Grandma. Although the snow was pretty, I did not enjoy waking up to that. Its too early! We basically went from Summer to Winter! What the F Mother Nature. Most of the snow is thankfully gone. And warmer weather is predicted for the next couple weeks. I can live with that.
The view from my Hospital window the morning after the storm.
Railroad tracks across the street from my G-ma's house.
Trees in my backyard.
Now that I have my freedom back, all my energy is going into STAYING HEALTHY! I'm not thinking of anything else these days. I plan on do a lot of hibernating and staying away from most people this winter. Everyone is always sick with something, even if they don't "feel" sick. I'm sorry its flu season, I don't trust your "feeling." Its all about me this winter!!
Breathe Easy
Friday, October 28, 2011
Love You Through It
Hello World!
Some of you already know but on top of all my medical crap going on, My dad is also fighting Cancer. He has stage 4 Colorectal Cancer and it has spread to his liver and I think there was a small tumor found in his lungs as well. He has been going to Chemotherapy EVERY week since July, 2009. His Cancer cannot be cured. It is apparently a rare form. I don't know a lot about it, just that it sucks. He has been doing pretty well with his Chemo and remains in good spirits most days. I love him. We have the same sense of humor. I know October is Breast Cancer Awareness but other Cancers are just as important. I heard this song the other day - Martina McBride: I'm Going to Love You Through It - Its mainly about Breast Cancer but still makes me think of my Dad. My Mom is the glue that holds the family together and My Dad is the man behind the woman cracking jokes! Together they are the best team, and best parents. Love them both
Breathe Easy
Some of you already know but on top of all my medical crap going on, My dad is also fighting Cancer. He has stage 4 Colorectal Cancer and it has spread to his liver and I think there was a small tumor found in his lungs as well. He has been going to Chemotherapy EVERY week since July, 2009. His Cancer cannot be cured. It is apparently a rare form. I don't know a lot about it, just that it sucks. He has been doing pretty well with his Chemo and remains in good spirits most days. I love him. We have the same sense of humor. I know October is Breast Cancer Awareness but other Cancers are just as important. I heard this song the other day - Martina McBride: I'm Going to Love You Through It - Its mainly about Breast Cancer but still makes me think of my Dad. My Mom is the glue that holds the family together and My Dad is the man behind the woman cracking jokes! Together they are the best team, and best parents. Love them both
Breathe Easy
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Frustrated
Hello World!
Life has been a roller coaster these days. Most days I'm me and I feel like nothings change. But some days I just want to roll over and give up! I feel like every time I start to gain any ground with either my weight or lungs the other craps out.
I just went through a month or so of weight problems. Couldn't keep any weight on me. But my lungs were doing fine. They weren't getting better but they we staying stable. I manged to attend 2 weddings, both with minimal oxygen! About 3-4 days after the 2nd wedding CRASH! Lungs decided they didn't want to cooperate anymore. My weight however.... stable. Which is good.
I had the Kmart incident as previously blogged and things are just getting crummier and crummier. Walking just exhausts me. Its so tiring. I go to Pulmonary Rehab and it bums me out a little bit to see I'm not where I was 2 yrs or 1 yr ago. I need more oxygen, I walk slower on the treadmill, I can't go as far either. It just sucks. Stairs and inclines were already hard and now they are almost impossible. Everyone says exercise, exercise, exercise.... especially waiting for transplant. Well I'm trying but it is soooo hard. I really hate it.
I like the easy road and less complicated things. I've always been that way. So its kind of hard for me to get motivated to do the exercises. I know I need to but gosh, I'd like to breathe too!
In other, but related news, I'd like to gripe for a moment at the fact I've been waiting 17 months for transplant. 17! I read on Facebook today a young man listed Thursday and got the call today. 4 DAYS!!!! WHAT THE F!!!! I know my lungs aren't anymore important than his, and believe me I'm happy for him. But come on! I just want it to be my turn!!! The universe could atleast cut me some slack if it won't get me lungs anytime soon. Doesn't have to kick me while I'm already down.
WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN?!?
I'm tiring of my life being on hold! I want to do things... real things. Not things to just pass the time while I wait. I want a baby, can't. I'd like to live on my own, can't. I'd like to go for a gosh darn hike, CAN'T! All my friends are doing stuff and moving forward.... I'm still sitting here.
AHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'm just frustrated. Mostly with myself. Wish I just felt... better. Until then I'll just keep waiting... what else can I do?
Breathe Easy
Life has been a roller coaster these days. Most days I'm me and I feel like nothings change. But some days I just want to roll over and give up! I feel like every time I start to gain any ground with either my weight or lungs the other craps out.
I just went through a month or so of weight problems. Couldn't keep any weight on me. But my lungs were doing fine. They weren't getting better but they we staying stable. I manged to attend 2 weddings, both with minimal oxygen! About 3-4 days after the 2nd wedding CRASH! Lungs decided they didn't want to cooperate anymore. My weight however.... stable. Which is good.
I had the Kmart incident as previously blogged and things are just getting crummier and crummier. Walking just exhausts me. Its so tiring. I go to Pulmonary Rehab and it bums me out a little bit to see I'm not where I was 2 yrs or 1 yr ago. I need more oxygen, I walk slower on the treadmill, I can't go as far either. It just sucks. Stairs and inclines were already hard and now they are almost impossible. Everyone says exercise, exercise, exercise.... especially waiting for transplant. Well I'm trying but it is soooo hard. I really hate it.
I like the easy road and less complicated things. I've always been that way. So its kind of hard for me to get motivated to do the exercises. I know I need to but gosh, I'd like to breathe too!
In other, but related news, I'd like to gripe for a moment at the fact I've been waiting 17 months for transplant. 17! I read on Facebook today a young man listed Thursday and got the call today. 4 DAYS!!!! WHAT THE F!!!! I know my lungs aren't anymore important than his, and believe me I'm happy for him. But come on! I just want it to be my turn!!! The universe could atleast cut me some slack if it won't get me lungs anytime soon. Doesn't have to kick me while I'm already down.
WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN?!?
I'm tiring of my life being on hold! I want to do things... real things. Not things to just pass the time while I wait. I want a baby, can't. I'd like to live on my own, can't. I'd like to go for a gosh darn hike, CAN'T! All my friends are doing stuff and moving forward.... I'm still sitting here.
AHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'm just frustrated. Mostly with myself. Wish I just felt... better. Until then I'll just keep waiting... what else can I do?
Breathe Easy
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Uppin' the Oxygen
Hello World!
Everytime I tell people I'm feeling better than I have in a while, BAM disaster strikes! I just had clinic Monday, it went well - Lungs are stable, weight is good. No problems. Tuesday - Uneventful, slept a lot. Wednesday I had a transplant check-up. Again Lungs good and weight good. Thursday BAM! Everything came to a crashing halt while I was out at a store!
I went out to do a little shopping. Grabbed a snack at Burger King and headed to Kmart. I was just looking to buy some plastic totes for my 'Gutting the Basement' project. Inside I found a pair of everyday boots. Yay! O and no totes. Anywho, as I was checking out and leaving my chest started to feel really tight and it was hard to breathe. I had my O2 on, 3L but still felt like I couldn't catch my breathe. Well now I start to panic a little because well that just me. I'm a panicer. I get to my car, which is parked fairly close thanks to my handicap pass (life saver!) and struggle a little to get the key in, finally open the door, frantically find my inhaler because I stupid didn't have in ON me, just WITH me. Then the most embarrassing part.... I peed myself. Right there in the parking lot. I just lost bladder control - apparently its common when your O2 drops, which is good to know. I climbed in my car, coughing and struggling and still peeing - hoping no one saw anything! Out loud told myself to relax and took some real deep breaths.
I took out my Oximeter and checked my levels, O2 was mid 80s and Heart rate was over 150. WOOOO! I immediately call my doctor and chat it up with them and find out what I need to do. Everything calmed down while I was on the phone. The plan was to up the oxygen and take it easy! If it happened again I was to call 911. Are you kidding, 911??? I scare easy and that shizz is scary. The very next call was of course to my Mom. My Mom is my 911.
So I sat in the parking lot for like 20 minutes and just collected myself then went home. SO my simple trip to Kmart ended up being quite the... adventure? Sheesh. Nothing can just be simple.
Breathe Easy
Everytime I tell people I'm feeling better than I have in a while, BAM disaster strikes! I just had clinic Monday, it went well - Lungs are stable, weight is good. No problems. Tuesday - Uneventful, slept a lot. Wednesday I had a transplant check-up. Again Lungs good and weight good. Thursday BAM! Everything came to a crashing halt while I was out at a store!
I went out to do a little shopping. Grabbed a snack at Burger King and headed to Kmart. I was just looking to buy some plastic totes for my 'Gutting the Basement' project. Inside I found a pair of everyday boots. Yay! O and no totes. Anywho, as I was checking out and leaving my chest started to feel really tight and it was hard to breathe. I had my O2 on, 3L but still felt like I couldn't catch my breathe. Well now I start to panic a little because well that just me. I'm a panicer. I get to my car, which is parked fairly close thanks to my handicap pass (life saver!) and struggle a little to get the key in, finally open the door, frantically find my inhaler because I stupid didn't have in ON me, just WITH me. Then the most embarrassing part.... I peed myself. Right there in the parking lot. I just lost bladder control - apparently its common when your O2 drops, which is good to know. I climbed in my car, coughing and struggling and still peeing - hoping no one saw anything! Out loud told myself to relax and took some real deep breaths.
I took out my Oximeter and checked my levels, O2 was mid 80s and Heart rate was over 150. WOOOO! I immediately call my doctor and chat it up with them and find out what I need to do. Everything calmed down while I was on the phone. The plan was to up the oxygen and take it easy! If it happened again I was to call 911. Are you kidding, 911??? I scare easy and that shizz is scary. The very next call was of course to my Mom. My Mom is my 911.
So I sat in the parking lot for like 20 minutes and just collected myself then went home. SO my simple trip to Kmart ended up being quite the... adventure? Sheesh. Nothing can just be simple.
Breathe Easy
Monday, October 3, 2011
C and M's Wedding
Hello World!
My Best Friend got Married!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! She is such a grown up now! It was amazing. So much fun. So beautiful. Even though the weather wasn't ideal, it was awesome. She was such a beautiful bride. And her husband was so handsome. They make a beautiful couple. So happy for them. Right now they are on their honeymoon in Hawaii! I'm a little jealous. I want to go to Hawaii sometime. I wish them nothing but the best! Time to start makin' babies!!! Hahaha. Here are a few pictures....
My Best Friend got Married!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! She is such a grown up now! It was amazing. So much fun. So beautiful. Even though the weather wasn't ideal, it was awesome. She was such a beautiful bride. And her husband was so handsome. They make a beautiful couple. So happy for them. Right now they are on their honeymoon in Hawaii! I'm a little jealous. I want to go to Hawaii sometime. I wish them nothing but the best! Time to start makin' babies!!! Hahaha. Here are a few pictures....
The Ceremony.
Me and 2 of my besties.
Their First Dance as Mr. and Mrs!!!
The beautiful couple!!!
Their car!!!! :)
The Bridal Party, I'm the tiny one in pink on the end!
Again Beautiful wedding. Bring on the babiesss!!
Breathe Easy
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