Can't Sleep

Hello World!

Well its 3am and I can't sleep. Whats new. Going to the doctors tomorrow for a check-up I'll have to wait and see what they say. Well the week has been interesting...

I had an EPIC battle with my mother last weekend. We didn't speak all week to each other. Today was the first day we actually had a conversation. Nothing was said about last weekend. We just started fresh. Who knows if we will ever talk about that weekend but right now it is still a sore spot. Our relationship has been rocky for the past year. Some days it is great! But other day we just disagree and scream at each other. It is a work in progress, and everyday it really does get a little better.

I also started Pulmonary Rehab again. I do hate going but I know it is good for me. I did find out that my favorite Physical Therapist is leaving, which was a huge bummer. The class has a lot of senoirs in it, I'm the youngest one. So it was nice of this Therapist to talk with me and joke around and exercise along with me. I'll miss her but wish her well in the future.

Overall my week wasn't too exciting. Went out a couple of nights with some friends which was nice. I haven't gone out in a while. I really needed that. I felt much better. Hopefully I'll start incorporating it into my schedule all the time. I'm starting to go a little stir crazy being stuck in the house. I have no job because I'm "medically disabled" and I finished school in May '09 so having a social life has taken a small dive.

I've been going through a rough patch, mentally, for about a year now. In September of '09 I was hospitalized and almost lost my life. Ever since then my life has been full of anxiety and worry with hints of depression. I'm worried about my health, my family is too and so are the doctors. Because of all that worry I've been living under a microscope in fear that I will fall ill again. It has just been to much stress. I had a small break down and go some great, to the point advice from a friend who usually has little to say. But they when they do offer some advice I take it very seriously. They just sais flat out "You are not ok and not all there. You need to get your shit together." So thats what I have decided to do. I'm getting my shit together.

I detoxed my whole body from all my medications. Some people will think thats dumb because of the CF but I don't care. I have been on so many different anti-dpression meds and anxiety meds that I was having a hard time finding myself. So I gave everything up. I will say, I feel so much better. Tomorrow I will start a fresh, new routine. A better, healthier rountine. I'm going to try and live my life like I used too. I'm not going to worry about so much stuff, its not healthy. I'm ready to be my carefree, easy going self again!

Breathe Easy